We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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