can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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