I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My friends, they love my intelligence
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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