he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize