Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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