Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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