Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize