You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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