Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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