So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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