if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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