im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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