She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize