she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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