Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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