I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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