I heard we made out
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
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if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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