Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize