Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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