Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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