So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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