I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He? As in you personified your dick?
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