I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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