hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
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Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
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I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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