ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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