my phone needs a breathalizer
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize