Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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