Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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