I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize