Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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