My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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