my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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