i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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