I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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