So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I bet he comes in French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize