Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
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They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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