oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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