How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if only i could text you this smell
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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