Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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