i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
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It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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