This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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