My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize