Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize