i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize