Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize