A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
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Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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