Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize