im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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