How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize