I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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