Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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